Man vs Food

The Really TV channel have spoiled us once more (following Hair Battle Spectacular and Ace of Cakes) with an exquisite import of small screen American reality goodness. The big behemoth that is Man vs Food.

MvF is Fronted by Adam Richman who travels across the US of A seeking out eateries in towns and cities that have huge and spicy dishes on offer that he has to consume completely, usually within a strict time limit and without leaving the table.

The size of these mega meaty banquets could easily sate a family eight for an evening meal. The entertainment show (think Top Gear) is verging into the realms of competitive eating - which hasn't quite made it to the UK shores yet - a regular spectacle in the US. For the first half of the show Adam wanders around finding relatively small town famous dishes to try and give a little air time to, before the main event in the second half.

What makes the show is that he's spurred on by whipped up and frenzied crowds. They get him absolutely buzzing with motivational speeches, fist pumping antics and straight to camera monologues about the feat of endurance that he is currently undertaking.

The show was pioneered by the Travel Channel and in some way it is like an alternative tourist guide to some of the places that wouldn't normally get an ounce of exposure on TV. I admire the fact that it is promoting the world this way and if it ever came to these shores, it would end up in places like Tavistock or Sleaford. Imagine getting a haystack of halibut from the Peppered Pig in Goole and letting small towns of the UK showcase their own famed culinary highlights.

It is escapism TV and compulsive viewing as Adam attempts an different eat feat in every episode. Could I eat a 14lb cheese toastie? 5lb of chips with a 10lb burger? Probably not, but I'd give it a go.


If he completes said task he can get on to hallowed walls of fame which adorn the walls of each eatery and there's usually a t-shirt as a winning memento as well. Adam also has a weird ymca hand dance that represents M V F (Man vs Food) which he pulls out two or three times a show. A wonderful 27 minutes, that ran for four seasons in America and as the votes were counted at the end of the run, the final scores were Man 48 vs Food 36.

Car Boot Corner April 2012

It's moved to the big field, we repeat - it's moved to the big field.

That means the time taken to navigate the new beast was up from 90 minutes to 3 hours. They trebled the field coverage and the number of sellers. So that equated to a higher quality of car boot bargains to purchase and more things which suited our tastes and home decorations . Oh boy it did not disappoint.

We made a novice mistake (didn't bring any bags) and so had to go back to the car after we purchased these two marvellous, but rather unwieldy sized books. I've wanted a pin picture book for a while and it was mine for merely 50 English pence and I shall start work on some of the designs courtesy of Golden Hands and will pop up the results here in due course. We also helped a lady part with her unwritten postcard collection - Colour Masters, John Hinde etc all ready to be written and sent out, sending greetings from near and far. An orginial tin that Sellotape used to come in (it is cyan after all) and who can't resist some animal future birthday cards?

However, it was Tracey who was happiest at the end of the session - the holy grail of 80s originals, size 3, roller boots are now in our possession. We shall be turning Bournemouth seafront into Malibu as we both now own some classic roller boots. Magna Carta we salute you.

Arundel - Triple A for Amazing.

Our Great British travelogue continues in earnest and today we encountered an absolute corker. Presenting Arundel.

A suitably historic market township with a little over 3000 populants, it is overlooked by two fine architectural behemoths: a Cathedral and the magnificent 1000 year old Arundel Castle as well as a complementary array of fine retail outlets.

The beauty and individuality of this town could encourage a real verbosity in my description, but from the opening meander along the duck filled miniature moat encircling the castle to an art and craft fayre in the local hall signalled good times were a'coming.

Quite honestly, it's one of the most picturesque and incredible towns we've come across. Our first stop was Gaskyns. A cracking eatery which in its past has been a brewery, car showroom and is now an awesome and tasty place.

With art a plenty, it was sun drenched in the afternoon sunshine and we had a little twin scoop of Movenpick ice cream (pistachio and caramelita being the favourites). The town was full of smiley people and shops we loved with gifts a plenty for our friends and family. The added bonus of personal conversations with shop keepers including the story of the old sweet shop man who has his chocolate bunnies made by a Belgian called Jann, who now lives in Finland and he also makes the rose cremes.

Alongside the Lido (two pools), Cathedral (in which we heard the organ being tuned), Victorian Arcades (complete with an amazing walk stick shop), Deli's and Antique shops we found the Queen of the retail world - Sparks Yard.


Stumbling into the smaller river sided gift shop first, where we promptly acquired lots of lovely print and stationary, the shop staff told us there's a bigger store over three floors just up the hill. We found it after wandering through a few tiny streets and was welcomed graciously and another set of purchases of kitchenware, iron signs and tasty food stuffs somehow came home with us. We were impressed by the customer service, attention to detail all around the shop and the exquisite selection of gifts and food stuffs on offer across both stores.

Long may this jewel reign in the heart of West Sussex. We shall indeed return for a more thorough exploration of the castle, lido and tell all and sundry of this most marvellous place.

Ace of Cakes

Fresh from the international hit TV show - Hair Battle Spectacular - on the most criminally underrated channel - Really - comes our new favourite way to spend 60 mins, ladies and gentleman, we bring you...Ace of Cakes.

Charting the stories and daily experiences of Duff Goldman's business Charm City Cakes who make the most outrageous and architecturally insane edible structures. Duff employs his buddies to help create and craft these tasty marvels and the programme charts the deadlines, problems and innovative solutions that the team come up with to make sure those who ordered the customised cake receive it right on time.

It is verging on food sculpture with all the tools the team use including trowels, paint brushes and everything in between. Live this week include a massive Hershey's chocolate bar complete with kisses, a 3D Charlie Brown and Peanuts halloween themed cake, an antique gym locker and a zombie themed wedding cake.

At the end of each show, you get the big reveal where the recipient sees the creation that has been made especially before them and generally smiles are shared around. Duff decided after pastry school to make cakes his way and it seems to be going pretty well for him. They make it bigger, badder and awesomer!

It's currently on Really at 7-8pm on a Monday evening GMT. Head over to their website and see what other crazy things they get up to and make.

Car Boot Corner

The winter sun didn't bother making an appearance today but thankfully, dozens of booters did as another year of retro-treasure hunting begins! The first car boot of the year and it was cold but as always, fruitful!

With two pairs of socks on each, we headed off to one of our favourite stomping grounds, Canford Park Car Boot and there was some speedy purchases made from the first three stalls we visited! Tam picked up Jo Verso's Cross-Stich for Children which has yet more beautiful, inventive and colourful designs from the popular craft author - bargain at £1. Next, Abbo got his 'buy of the day' after spotting a Dog's Playing Pool rug bundled up at the end of the stall. A perfect accompaniment to the 'Dogs Playing Poker' print we have in the kitchen, the bold colours and flying cigar butts will be brightening up our hallway.

Half an hour later and whilst purchasing a couple of 1980s kids LP's featuring the cast from Rainbow and the green bird with aviophobia Orville, we bumped into our friend Jamie from Fish4Junk. With clients all over the world including NYC, Tokyo and of course Bournemouth, F4J are the experts in tracking down delicious, 100% retro and vintage goodies - their fine selection of plastic 70s kitchenalia always sings to our orange and cyan hearts. Out hunting for goodies, Jamie proudly announced that F4J are now also part of the Dorset Curiosity Centre which sounds like a great excuse for us to already start planning our next day out! After comparing swag bags, we said goodbyes as Abbo had spotted some Bullseye poly metronic hard flights on a nearby stall!

As the cold seeped in, we managed to grab a telephone and address book and of course more lovely postcards. Sadly the bread and cake man wasn't there this week so no treats but a promising start nonetheless to the car booting year!

A Short History of Gingerbread

What a strange and delicious thing.

Inspired by an afternoon of creating ninja ballet dancing and zombie rabbit eating gingerbread, I thought that this delightful substance needed further exploration and a higher profile by demonstrating its versatility and tasty prowess.

As an eating experience it has it's origins in the grand old time of Mesopotamia where it was believed to having healing properties. Following this, twas brought to Europe in the 10th Century by an Armenian Monk, Gregory of Nicopolis.

He taught its secrets to French priests and Christians and the medicinal myth was perpetuated as it was introduced to Sweden by German immigrants in the 14th Century and some Swedish nuns used it to ease indigestion.


The first imported gingerbread man was credited to our great HRH Queen Elizabeth I, who bestowed important guests with charming G-Bread likenesses of themselves.

However, the first record and honour of G-Bread being made in the UK is held by...Market Drayton where it was made in 1793 (by Roland Lateward). I love the fact that it proudly displays its heritage on its welcome sign.

It's even been referenced by ole Billy Shakes, so if it's good enough for him, then it's good enough for me. From Love’s Labours Lost:
"And I had but one penny in the world. Thou should’st have it to buy gingerbread."

After the Grimm Brothers' tale of Hansel and Gretel described a house "made of bread," with a roof of cake and windows of barley, German bakeries began offering elaborate gingerbread houses with icing snow on the roofs.

It is from this moment on that not only the edibility of this wonderful creation opened up, but the fact that you could make, decorate and embellish this wonderful substance into things like this video game inspired ginger bread biscuits.


I think a trip to Market Drayton could well be on the cards.

Postcards I Love You

For me they're a hallowed sliver of card which capture an experience and a moment in time that you want to share with someone else. They hint at a story and they hint at multiple stories through their combination of words, images and stamps and they create this link between two people and places and provides an indicator of what people find significant.

They are a personal treat and an investment of time. The hunt for the postcard to match the receiver is part of the fun. It matters not if it's a day trip to Bognor Regis or a fortnight in Tasmania; the quest, the ritual of finding what bounty the place has to offer is brimmed with happiness and then trying to find a stamp, engaging with locals and shopkeepers to try and determine the optimum value to ensure the speediest flight back home.

Postcards effortlessly convey distance and are a useful delayer of gratification. You can be mischievous and tell some outrageous lies on the back "killed a moose whilst getting married to Darlene last night, boy can she Howl!"

This is sure to get the postman gossiping with your next door neighbour or you can just give a salute and provide some banal information like "the weather is here, wish you were lovely". The restriction of that A6 canvas is hugely satisfying because you can never convey all that you wish to express, but you have to come to understanding that this space is all you're even going to have.

This is an invitation. An invitation to everybody, no matter where or who you are. If you feel like you don't have enough postcards in your life, send me one with your address to my address and let's strike up a postal relationship.

The postcard - how I love the postcard.

World's Strongest Man Final 1983

The World's Strongest Man (WSM) was the premier event in strength athletics for 20 years up until the late 1990's. Men from four corners of the earth were invited to compete against each other in a series of unique events designed to test each individual to the fullest. The events had a foundation in Powerlifting, Highland Games and others were created based on mythological feats of strength.

It was at the end of a long day that we came across the televised final of WSM 1983. We'd found TV gold. It had the constituent parts of: a British underdog, early 80s hair styles and fashion, a brilliant referee and a crowd who were a bit too close to the athletes. We were instantly hooked.

A final to beat all finals. A truck full of tension, a barrel load of theatrics and the first time the event had been held outside the USA since its inception in 1977. Christchurch - New Zealand, I bring you, GB's finest, the 2 time Commonwealth Shot Put Champion and Budgie Breeding Behemoth...Geoff Capes.
There were 8 strangely named events which sorted the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys and the sheep from the goats. Farmers Walk, Bar Bending, Silver Dollar Deadlift, Truck Pull, Rock Lift, Weight for Height, Wool Hoist and Lorry Loading.

All were designed to sap energy, test physical and mental endurance and brutalise any muscle in the human body. There were other characters alongside Mr Capes and much of the focus fell on a young pretender from Iceland, Jón Páll Sigmarsson, with a series of one liners designed to psyche out his fellow athletes ("This is no problem for Jón Páll", "There is no reason to be alive if you can't do deadlift" and "I am not an Eskimo, I am a Viking!"). Jón Páll proved a fearsome competitor in 1983 and would go on to win the WSM 4 times in the future as well going down in history as Iceland's greatest athlete of the 20th Century.

However, 1983 was all about Geoff. Coming first in the Truck Pull and Weight for Height and finishing in the top 3 for all the other events meant Capes was leading with only the final event (Lorry Loading) left. It was captivating to watch as these 12 huge sacks of flour, weighing at least 12 stones each had to launched on to the back of a lorry. The fine flour kept seeping through the porous bags and it got into some of the athletes lungs, including poor Tom Magee who nearly died after he inhaled too much flour and could barely complete the task.

However, Capes knew that he'd done enough and gave a little leap of joy as the final sack landed on the back of the lorry and in his final interview, he declared many pints and drinks were going to be spilled in Christchurch that night in celebration of a little man from Lincolnshire being crowned the World's Strongest Man with a total score of 49.5.

Newark upon Trent - A Glory Town

Our inter-nation travelogue continues...It's like Cheltenham, but prettier. It's like Cirencester, but cheaper. It's Newark upon Trent, home of some of the finest set of independent shops and eateries in our fair country.

Sitting atop of the festive shopping pile is Vintage Vixen (run by the lovely Clare Parker) on Cartergate. A ladies only step back into the 1950s. T got two wonderful pieces (Christmas Day and New Years Eve outfits), a flattering aubergine dress and a knitted straw leopard jumper. Both absolute bargains and I got us a huge piece of maori wall art with a corny story on each corner in a wonderful type face and artistic styling.

Two's Company on Kirkgate is a gift shop doing so well, they've opened up two other shops across the country on the back of the shops success in Newark. Our purchase was a wonderfully decorative key plate which has a retro driving licence embedded beneath the glazed surface.

With some splendid architecture including a 16th Century castle (loaded with history and playing an important part in the Civil War), the Gilstrap historical centre, heritage trails, two musuems and Mr glorious River Trent winding it's way through the town, it's a truly picturesque and vibrant market town which also hosts Europe's largest antique fair at the mighty Newark Showground.

Home to the Railway Club, a charming ode to working men's clubs and histories through the ages it still has a 50p pool table. We've not seen those prices since our glory days back at University in Scarborough (oh those long nights in the cavernous Olympia arcade complete with the best ever bandit - Crazy Fruits). Home also to the famous Tolney Lane which brings an incredible richness and diversity into the population with the traveller community (who I went to Primary School with) who're directly responsible for much of the wonderful famed Newark slang words including: Chavvy, Peeve, Teggys and Yocks.

Just 80mins from London on the train and 20mins from Nottingham and Lincoln and sat proudly astride the ancient Great North Road (known more locally as the A1) and bisecting it east to west is the recently improved A46 aiding all four wheel journeys in the area. Tis very close to Sherwood Forest, home of the Major Oak and Robin Hood himself. There's no earthly reason not to come and share in the delights of this historic market marvel.

Brief Bus Encounters

It would seem that we were destined to meet.

Without my car, I had to get to Radio HQ to record the latest two broadcast specials of Sound Tracks (a Bollywood followed by a Video Game focussed hour of entertainment). So off I trotted on the wonderful public transport of Wilts and Dorset buses and in particular the service no.36 which runs from Bournemouth to Verwood and departed at 8.26am.

There was a gentleman on the bus already and a lady boarded at the same time as I to join our friendly driver en route to Verwood. The gentleman alighted at Ringwood and the driver announced to us both that he needed to go and get some more change as he was running out.

It was at this moment that a conversation was struck up between myself and the lady who was sat behind me. Playing with her new iPhone (sold to her by her son) she began telling me that her son has recently started playing Assassin's Creed Revelations and that she's suitably impressed with its graphics but as she's got an addictive personality, she can't play computers because she'd waste her time on them.

I also discovered en route that she was off to Moors Valley Country Park and was learning to cycle with her friend June. This lady was in her late 50s and respect was due as she's trying something new on this cold December morn.


We offered polite goodbyes, she disappeared into the park and I carried on my journey to Radio HQ. All went well, both shows sounding brilliant and I got on the 36 again retracing the bussy tracks through Three Legged Cross and Ashley Heath. Who then gets on the bus outside Moors Valley Country Park, the same lady with her cycle helmet and friend June waving her off.

She came and sat down next to me and started where we left off 200 minutes earlier like we were old friends. She'd be talking to June about the "lovely person" she met on the bus on the way here, but also shared with me she'd fallen off her bike today (it's normally June who falls off) and the last time she fell off was during "The Jewish Incident". Her son was teaching her to cycle and she actually ploughed into a whole family of three generations of a Jewish cycling family and fell off and slightly hurt herself earlier on in the summer. I told her about the radio and she told me that she worked at the Inland Revenue and her time in South Africa. We got off at the same stop, exchanged names and as we parted at the fork of Knyveton Road - Anne hugged me, smiled and strolled on and said she'd listen to the show tomorrow.

It's Chi-Chi-Chichester!

Our inter-nation travelogue continues and this time we landed at the West Sussex gem - Chichester! A swift 70 minutes transit from our BH HQ, we parked up and look what faced us; only a cotton picking, cowboy themed, eatery of the highest order, aka Smith and Western.

Genuine country music spilling out the speakers, Cowgirl Charlie serving our every need, cactus and boot wall paper, ribs, loaded skins, wings, corn and ranch beans - check, check, check! We were a happy pair of yahoo's foot tappin and a'stomping all day after this brilliant culinary experience.

Steeped in history and dripping with fine architecture, including the Cathedral (complete with a Knight's tomb) and the 16th Century Chichester Cross. Every place of note must have a Butter Market and Corn Exchange and Chichester does not disappoint. History alert - like many places in England, the name derived from "caester" meaning Roman settlement. In this case the Saxons who arrived following the Roman withdrawal were led by a man called Cissa, hence Cissa's Caester which became become Chichester.


Not only does it fulfil our culinary and architectural desires, Cissa's Caester also helps us empty our pockets with a selection of wonderful shops. Alongside some of the regular high street players like Clarks (incredible customer service - so friendly and managed to persuade us, somehow, to purchase a Christmas present - and made us feel lovely about it as well) and Moss Bros there's a wealth of charming and fine pieces of independent shoppery including:

The upcycling Number 43 and the best vintage shop in the country, One Legged Jockey. Tracey got an original Ladybird, part cape/part extra long body warmer in green and it is a large piece of awesome.

With our guides to Northampton, Southport and now Chichester, we're highlighting some alternative places on our fair isle which deserve a little time and exploration outside of the classic visitor-laden places. Up the Chichester!

Game City 6

Twas an adventure in authenticity, a place where a genuine community of interest came together alongside inquisitive residents to share the realm of videogames and all that sails in her.

Over 4 days, the festival is the self styled “biggest and best-loved videogame culture festival in Europe!” and runs over multiple sites in the East Midlands city of Nottingham, during the day time, the night time and inbetween time (with the wonderful addition of Covernomics - a real life, real surveillance, covert mission piece of spy heaven). I wanted to share some of my experiences, some of the panels and debates attended, the people and developers I met and let this act as a guide to my experiences.

My first stop was a conversation between Richard Lemarchand, lead game designer on the forthcoming triple AAA PS3 exclusive, Uncharted 3 and Tale of Tales' founders Auriea Harvey and Michaël Samyn.

Hearing from Auriea and Michaël, who are a pair of Belgian art game developers and how they offered insights into their approach and creative journey from net art experimenters in the late 90s, to developing an impressive stable of alternative videogame experiences including: the fantastical MMO (minimal multiplayer online) The Endless Forest (an online environment where you appear as a deer, with no rules or goals to achieve), The Path (a short horror game inspired by Little Red Riding Hood offering an experience of exploration, discovery and introspection with all activities in the game entirely optional) and The Graveyard (a micro computer game where you play an old woman who visits a graveyard. You walk around, sit on a bench and listen to a song. It's more like an explorable painting, but there’s a huge difference between the paid version and free version of the game).

Richard also offered an insight into how a certain scene in Uncharted 2 was inspired by Tale of Tales and it was a section where the lead character Nathan Drake came across a small mountain village with a community and the game did not let you shoot or attack its population, in fact if you pressed the attack button, it made you shake hands or wave at the village members. Richard was trying to build this narrative and emotional connection between the lead character of Drake and the villagers because later on it the game (spoiler alert) the village gets burnt down.

Auriea and Michaël were fascinating, charming and achingly articulate throughout and with their creations offer a genuine alternative to the big time computer game behemoths which I’d heartily recommend that you engage with. Head over to Tale of Tales to find out more.

Later in the evening, we experienced Renga from Wall Four, which was the world’s first 100 player laser-controlled video game. It combined strategic conquest elements from games such as Civilisation with action phases inspired by old-school arcade classics such as Defender. It rewarded coordinated movement but allowed formations to emerge without advance planning as players observe other lasers and join emergent groups, sort of like an improvisational dance. As a collective experience, it was exhilarating, something akin to the feeling at a sports stadium when the crowd become one, we were a hive, a pack all working the greater good. A totally unique experience.

The next day was all about the Zombies, one of the large successes of Game City 6 and previous incarnations is that they often theme days and today was all about those beloved half –dead henry’s.

Each day began with a breakfast debate at the wonderful Broadway Cinema chaired by the Guardian Games’s Keith Stuart, today was: Love, Rage and Horror – are games emotional enough? There was a stellar panel including Simon Parkin (Eurogamer), Phil Fish (Fez Dez Rez), Richard LeMarchand (Naughty Dog), Mike Bithell (Thomas Was Alone), Andrew Smith (Spilt Milk Studios) and Rob Yescombe (formerly Free Radical and Crytek).

Richard offered us “games elicit certain kinds of emotions, competitive games elicit triumph, success and frustration”, and Phil replied with “Silent Hill 1&2 are the finest piece of horror on any media and we worked with fear specialists who said turning left down corridors is scary and different ceiling heights in different rooms is also scary”. The next topic was sadness with the videogame Heavy Rain appearing heavily and Keith cited the greatest fear if you’re a parent is the loss of your child and that was why Heavy Rain was so successful, Simon replied us “games are great at revenge stories, but not redemption”. Finally the 7 men on the panel spoke about love with The Sims and Ico leading the discussion. Simon “The Sims tries to mechanise love in a dry way, it’s an economy. Whereas in Ico, you have to lead this small waif through different lands and you have to look after her or she’ll be sacrificed.” Keith shared: “if you come to a standstill after you’ve run around with her, you can feel her heartbeat through the controller”. The debates were genuinely interesting, covered a range of topics and brought us insight from a diversity of panellists who wouldn’t normally talk about these sorts of things.

Later in the day there was a Scare Tactics panel with James Moran (Severance and Doctor Who), Gerard Jones (DC, Marvel, Dark Horse) and Rob Yescombe again. James and Gerard provided great content and bounced off each other really well. Gerard spoke about “how cat scares (the quick startle) are not really interesting and a good scare for adults is based on suspense, anxiety and something being unsettled”. James offered us a piece of classic Hitchcock “where it’s scarier to show a bomb and then create a 10min scene about what might happen rather than show the bomb explode.” He also mentioned the film Threads (a documentary-style account of a nuclear war and its effects on the city of Sheffield) as being quite scary as well. Gerard also said that “what’s scary to a 3 or 4 year old child is adult scowling face looking scary. Suspense is unbearable to young children, kids can watch heads being chopped off, but being glared at is really scary.” For me there was a significant amount of information which was being recycled by Rob who was re-telling horror content from his previous session and the breakfast earlier on in the day. I feel that this should have considered by Game City or it may be that Rob doesn’t have a lot to say.

My final encounter with the zombies, apart from the fabulously made up green shirted volunteers around the city square, was an insight into the funding, conception and development of a hotly anticipated running game and audio adventure called Zombies, Run! created by Six to Start. It will be available on your iphone and smartphone by the middle of next year and I know it’s going to get a lot more people active and exercising who might not have gone for a run before, but now they’re running from zombies, collecting items and building your base back at HQ, a genius idea!

My final musings are linked to encounters which I was actively involved in; Covernomics and Several Amazing Things About Tetris (1984).
SATAT 1984 was a seven hour performance lecture all about the mid 80s tetronomic gaming masterpiece Tetris. However, this lecture by Pat Ashe lasted as long as you stayed alive in the game and the blocks didn’t fill the screen. A brilliant concept, fascinating factoids learnt and a charming performer. PS I’m sure I also got the highest score of the day. From Russia With Fun!

Covernomics was another durational experience but this time over 4 days. Through email, phone calls and illegal rendezvous it instructed you to go undercover, decipher codes, assemble electronic devices, accrue assets and survey other agents in the field whilst avoiding detection. Agents were assigned daily tasks (I’m not revealing too much detail as they want to return next year) and I’m pleased to report that I completed Operation GC6 and was one of the top ten of agents.

For me, Game City 6 captured the true spirit of a festival with oodles of positivity oozing from the staff, volunteer teams and exhibitors which in turn infected us, the participants to be generous, encouraging and enter into the essence of debate and inquiry which the festival fostered so well. I only encountered a small percentage of the festival, but what I experience I was left sated and elated and will no doubt return to future iterations of the wonderful and valuable experience that is Game City.

Images courtesy of Game City, Tale of Tales, Nintendo, Six to Start

Player vs Character

BAFTA Games Writers Panel supported by The Writers’ Guild of Great Britain

Welcome to BAFTA, it’s all nipples and grenades.

A fascinating 90 minute panel debate between four of this countries finest video games writers; Jim Swallow (Deus Ex Human Revolution), Rhianna Pratchett (Heavenly Sword), Ed Stern (Wolfenstein) and chair for the night was Andrew S Walsh (Prince of Persia) who between them have shipped over 80 titles into our lives and tonight explored the huge question of Players vs Characters. Structure for the night, there were three anchor questions posed to each panel member alongside a smattering of questions from the floor. First up…

What is a games character?
Jim and Rhianna made the differentiation between character types with Jim going for the “characters are empty vessels that you fill” (in Deus Ex, he tried to create a backstory and narrative for the character Adam Jensen before empowering the player to let them choose one of the four possible pathways and approaches through the game) and Rhi coming back with “but I like to play games with full characters like Max Payne or Alan Wake as you get a certain agency over them”. Ed popped in with the crucial addition “the best character in most games in the environment”. This sparked a bit of gush fest over the Bioshock and the environment of Rapture.
For me, the success of Bioshock is how it looks and sounds, how the NPCs and audio diaries help you construct the back story and aid you in a process of information discovery, it’s not spoon fed to you in a dirty little cut scene, like the recent barrel of bilge The Cursed Crusade. Round two.

Player vs character
Jim came in with the ultimate writers’ aim of immersion: “It’s the holy grail, trying to suck you in. We want to bring a story to you and offer you a beginning, middle and end.” For me the crucial word in that was offer, the choices that a player can or cannot make enhance their own personal experience. He also pointed a finger at overly long cut scenes “I’m looking at you Metal Gear Solid” which Rhi added to “If you see your character doing something brilliant in a cut scene but then can’t do it in game, that creates a gulf between player and character and breaks the invisible link”.
There was a consistency of opinion that writers are often brought into the process too late, never get the chance to work with actors when the lines are recorded and so a line that could have been laced with comedy at the very beginning because of the intricacies of pauses, intentions and inflexions are often lost in translation. In a startling revelation, Ed stated that “most actor scripts are written in excel”. Imagine having to read 100,000 lines of text from a spreadsheet, it certainly cannot aid the content and context of the game.

What else shapes and defines a character?
Ed came straight off the bat with “genre expectations are usually tough and conservative”. Rhi added that platform has something to do with it, she created Overlord 1&2 on the Xbox and PS3, but it also had different iterations on the Wii and DS, so the world of Overlord existed on all those planes, but the restrictions of age groups for the Wii and DS versions meant that some of the characterisations of the minions having to be altered. A vital point made by Ed was you should be able to give the 5 second, 30 second and 2 minute pitch to different audiences, because “someone else will be making your character move, someone else will be giving him a physical dialogue”, the implementation is being given to different teams. Jim answered one of the floor questions about “would a writer ever have a great idea and pitch that to a studio?”, the answer was a resounding no, it’s about what will sell, not what’s the idea? Andrew added with great timing, what sells is nipples and grenades. Film/game tie ins were mentioned and some brutal truths exposed again where studios spend all their money on acquiring the licence and so have less money on the game, other times including Blade 2, where the games developers were given absolutely no access to the script, artwork, scenery or even the crumbs from their dinner, yet still had to create a game which launched on release of the film.

It was a very stimulating night with 4 very different personalities, all thoroughly warranting their place and each adding something to the debate in their own unique style. Coming next at BAFTA Games is an evening with Bioware in November, Mass Effect 3 anyone?

Bread

The B3063, aka Charminster Road in Bournemouth, is home to many a good eatery and restaurant (Nippon Inn and Starz Bar are well worth a visit), but the culinary highlight for me is a small, independent, no nonsense Turkish bakery called Pasha.

Bread is often at the forefront of my mind, it being my favourite foodstuff by a country mile; it has such variety in shape, taste and texture. There is nothing better than a hollow sounding, soft centred warm crusty cob which fills your nose and belly with doughy happiness. We don’t need any butter here, just dry and crusty bread.

Pasha make the best Pide ever – a deliciously day fresh stone baked Turkish flat bread, often consumed within 10 minutes from time of purchase. It’s a rare day if Mr Pide makes it off the B3063 complete because he is just so irresistible.

I offer a small insight into my devotion to this delightful foodstuff. It was a Christmas day, in the last year of the 1980s and I asked my Auntie for a fresh crusty 800g bloomer for my present. Opening up my bready package, I was so happy to have a whole loaf to myself to tear and carve up in giant doorsteps; the joy I felt was unbridled. A recent personal surprise for me was the introduction into the market of the 1kg Tiger loaf, an absolute monster, fun for all the family and costing less than for 152 pennies.

Along with fishes, if it’s good enough for Jesus and can feed the 5000, it’s good enough for me. Bread – I wanna make it with you.

…and the Lord said, let there be D A N C E

Over the past 7 days I have seen over 10 pieces of dance, performance and staged spectacle. This is my outlet for sharing some of the ubertasticness of these physical offerings.

It all started quite beautifully with the exquisitely economical Jane Mason who performed her new work Singer, a 30 minute ode to all the things interesting to her like ambiguity, weight, light, song and construction. A refreshingly simple presentation yet rich with emotion and connections, it left room for the audience to absorb and process the environments that Jane presented. She also presented her awarding film Andout with some wonderful soundscape by Jules Maxwell.

It was then ramped up in scale to a complete polar opposite. The four story temporary glass fronted Electric Hotel was constructed outside in Bournemouth and the audience witnessed and heard (through a delightfully composed soundtrack played to the audience individually over pairs of headphones) a mysterious incident, which shall remained unnamed. Twas an adventure in repetition, with slight glitches in the movement presented again and again, filmic in its construction and how the audience could follow multiple narratives of the hotel residents over and over and over again.

Next stop was the launch of a new dance space, South East Dance Studios, in Kent with 7 different pieces for the audience to watch and take part in. The delightful Mayakaras (a Kent based youth dance group under the watchful eye of Lila Dance) entranced the audience with a performance full of attack and authenticity missing in many “professional” works. Tony Adigun created (with students from Hextable School) a processional site specific work moving the audience in and out of corridors, studios, shower rooms and foyers, Billy Cowie's 3D film Tango de Soledad and Rosemary Butcher kicked the night off with architecture/roof/aerial dance framed by a slowly fading dusk light with some luminescent wings. Swanley have never had it so good.

Finally a brutal and ferocious presentation of a new work by La La La Human Steps, choreographed by the ever pioneering Edouard Lock from Montreal. Ballet like you have never seen. Timed to the nano second, met with precision on both the musicality and physicality, the dancers ooze panache yet create exquisite shapes with such swiftness, you begin to question whether they are indeed human. A relentless 90 mins, with no break, a new score by Gavin Bryars and some of the finest lighting design, dancing and choreography you’re likely to see.

Who Loves Northampton?

...well we sure do, after landing in the county town of fair Northamptonshire yesterday.

A brilliant market town with oodles of interesting architecture and history. We embarked on a town trail, following a map of over 20 highlighted venues and points of interest and had a jolly time doing so.


Our first major port of call was this little beauty, the Guildhall. Home to all sorts of local authority activity, the interior was simply divine, lots of detail in the brick work and even the stained glass had been in situ so long, it had sunk to the bottom and thickened. It had the look of a mini St Pancras hotel about it.

We only made our way around the town because we found Oliver Adams, "150 years in the baking" who aided us with their tasty bakery offerings. I encountered a pineapple cake, which we were informed by the pastry operative had its origins in Scotland where there's a larger dome. Tracey had a large bun complete with fruit and all sorts of other filling.

There's a large cultural and artistic heritage to be found as well including the only house that Charles Renee Mackintosh created in England, a gold award winning historic house chocked full with Mack attacks, the Royal and Derngate theatre which is an impressive building (though the programme is a trifle safe) and the art gallery has an internationally renowned collection of shoes (the local football team is known as the cobblers due to the main historic industry in the town).

The market square was also a little stunner and here's an old postcard view, though it hasn't changed a jot. A conker also fell on my head in the local graveyard, so I won't forget that in a hurry.

Thanks for having us Northampton, you were wonderful!

The Chain Gang

Beaming with pride, we head up to my (Ian) home town this Sunday at the invitation of my Auntie Irene with Tracey and my mum. Not just an Auntie - but a Councillor, not just a Councillor but the Deputy Mayor of Newark upon Trent.

A feisty widow who lives on Yorke Drive (think Beirut roads, poor sink estate reputation and plenty of odd and colourful characters) Irene has served her community as both a Cllr and community elder for many years, trying to right local wrongs and make sure the voices of her wards are heard and acted upon by the powers that be.

The invitation in question is at the Parish Church for the Annual Battle of Britain Commemorative Service, followed by a reception at the Town Hall afterwards in the presence of the the Mayor himself Cllr Bryan Richardson. I loved receiving said formal invitation with the coat of arms of Newark emblazoned across the top in gold leaf.

A little bit of history for you. The wavy water, otter and beaver all reference the importance of the River Trent that runs through the heart of the town and the arms were granted in 1561 with the motto "Deo Fretus Erumpe" (translating as Trust God and Sally Forth) added in 1912.

Hair Battle Spectacular

There's a brand new TV channel on Freeview here in the UK called Really. It has lots of wonderful, high quality programmes like Extraordinary Breastfeeding, Farm Of Fussy Eaters and Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses.

However, the greatest hour on the small screen for the next 4 weeks on Thursday 8pm is the loudest, the most monstrous, introducing the première series of Hair Battle Spectacular.

Part sculpture and part pop art, fantasy hair has been inspired by pop culture leaders like Lady Gaga and Nikki Minaj with each challenge requiring contestants to create outrageous coifs and mops.


There was 10 contestants to start and each week they enter a boxing ring and are whittled down one by one. They present their hair creations in a high octane and stylized performance with a truly awful rap/poem overlayed as a bad soundtrack when their models enter the arena. After each challenge, the judges, lead by award-winning fantasy hair designer Derek J (he has the most fabulous kitten heels), and 2 others - critique the stylists on creativity, execution and overall presentation. It's just been commissioned and starting screening a second series in the US, so we should hopefully get a large piece of hairy action when series two lands.

One man has created the biggest impression on me, Mr Tsunami (real name Nate). He created this for the wedding themed week and transformed the model into a table with a cake on top. It looked like a warped Cousin It.

Hair pieces have dropped off en route on some weeks and I've seen exquisite hair do's and plenty of horrendous hair don'ts. Be careful though Hair Battle Spectacular is quite addictive and I'd encourage readers to take least two steps towards the world of fantasy hair the next time you visit the barbers!